vel's journaly thing

The last time I posted it was only to my horse-people filter, so if you didn't see it, that post is here. Basically about six weeks ago my horse Waldo had to have emergency life-saving surgery. He was so unbelievably sick that everyone was amazed that he survived it at all. And not only did he survive, he bounced back incredibly well and has been on a steady road to recovery ever since.

Until two nights ago when he suddenly went off his feed and spiked a small fever. We thought perhaps he was just tired of eating pellets (he was put on an all-pellet diet after surgery), because he would still eat all the grass he could find, and he would eat as much hay as you would give him. We were keeping him off of hay, but at that point we wanted him to eat whatever he would eat. His temp kept fluctuating between in the normal range and slightly out of it. I spent the day letting him eat anything he would, but I decided to take him back to the hospital when his temp stayed up (101.6), and he stopped pooping and drinking or eating altogether and was looking too dull.

I had already taken him back to the hospital one week before this for a recheck, and everything had looked great. We were getting ready to take him off antibiotics altogether. One week later, his bloodwork was so abnormal the vet would have sworn this was something that had been going on for a long time if she hadn't just done the same bloodwork on him a week ago.

Bottom line: his liver is failing. :( The super acute onset points to something called Theiler's disease/serum sickness as the cause, an incredibly rare condition which can occur 4-10 weeks after the horse receives a horse-derived product, in his case the plasma he was given when he had surgery.

Horses with this disease either recover or fail within a few days. If they can keep him stable (and get him eating) for the next 3-5 days, his liver might have a chance to recover; we don't know how much damage has already been done to it. Last night the vet was pretty sure we'd have to put him down that night with the way he looked, but he managed to stabilize overnight. I went down to see him last night and all day today; he looks terrible, but apparently a little better than he did before I got there. I don't know. Everything that's possible to do to support him and his liver through this is being done, but we just have to wait and see if he responds. :( The vet has advised continued treatment as long as it looks like he still has a fighting chance, and for now he does, so that's what we're doing.

It's so unfair that he's already been through the wringer once, did fantastic against all odds, and now has to go through it again. I'm hoping for a second miracle. He's just the best horse ever and losing him would be absolutely devastating to me. ;_;

He is insured, but we used up all the insurance money getting him through colic surgery and the aftercare for that. This new bout of hospitalization and treatment will be out of pocket, and we're looking at something like $3,000-5,000 if he can make it through. My wonderful friend Kim has set up a fundraising site to help with his treatment costs. So please, if there's anything at all you might consider contributing to his care, Waldo and I both would be so very grateful: Waldo's Emergency Care Fund. Please feel free to share far and wide.

Thank you and keep your fingers, toes, everything crossed for him!!

Had my 90 day evaluation at work today. I hate evaluations, they are so scary to me! I don't handle criticism well, even when it's minor. Oh well, just got the same thing I always get: "You're doing a great job, but smile more!" Dude, my face just doesn't work that way; believe me, it's been like this my whole life. I'm just not a smiler! I don't sit around grinning for no reason, my face is just sort of neutral at all times. At least it feels completely neutral to me, people tell me I look like I'm frowning or something. And apparently my idea of smiling must be on a much smaller scale than everyone else. Sigh. This is how I smile, just deal with it! =p

Went to the Sharks' fifth playoff game of the first round with my brother last night, and they KICKED ASS!! It was SUCH an awesome game! They absolutely dominated and were finally able to get the puck past Colorado's goalie, clobbering them 5-0. Woohoo! So glad I got to go to that one! It was the first game in this series where they've led by more than one goal. One more win and they move to the next round of the playoffs! GO SHARKS!! =D

( Pics from the game )

Then last night as I was driving home, I saw a freaking big spider crawl across the INSIDE of my windshield!! D= Aaaaauuuuggghhh! Spiders freak me the fuck out! Normally I don't mind them, as long as they stay the hell off of me and out of my space! And inside my truck is definitely my space! I was nearly home when I saw it and had to stop for gas anyway, so I pulled into a station to fill up and try to get the damn thing out. Well it FELL off the windshield, and I had no idea where it went! I looked all over with a flashlight trying to find it without any luck. So then I had to get back in with the mysterious missing spider and drive the rest of the way home (about four blocks). >_< I damn near had a panic attack on the way, thinking about it coming crawling out of my steering column or something and was driving with one finger on the wheel and jumping at every movement out of the corner of my eye. I'm such a freaking sissy. I made it home safely, but the spider is still missing. ARGH.

I just finished up tagging all my entries, almost 900 of them. It just seemed like this journal has gotten to the point where I need them if I ever want to go back and find something.

I started on Sunday and didn't stop until 1am. I thought I might be able to get it all done, but I had about a year's worth of entries left to go and was just too tired to finish. Or so I thought. I went to bed and tossed and turned for hours, unable to sleep. I didn't want to take my sleeping medication because it was already so late, and if I did that I wouldn't be able to wake up for work. So then I got back up and tried to sleep on the couch with the tv on, because I often fall asleep this way when I'm really tired. Nope, nothing.

I ended up awake all freaking night for no reason at all, and it caused me to watch one of the most awful movies ever created, I Know Who Killed Me. I thought it'd just be a lame horror movie, but it went WAY beyond that! How can something be both predictable (I knew who the killer was within the first ten minutes) AND make no sense at all?? The "plot" was so full of holes and mixed up that it was impossible to follow, and the whole movie was really nothing more than an excuse for Lindsey Lohan to parade around in stripper outfits. Ugh, I think this was even worse than Batman Forever! Still not quite as bad as Kazaam, my ultimate worst movie ever, but it sure came close!

Anyway. I got no sleep at all, and hence felt horrible, stomach aches, sneezing and coughing fits, so I ended up calling in sick to work. Felt like crap all day and still couldn't get any sleep until it was late enough for me to take my medication and knock me out for the night whether my body liked it or not. Can I not sleep without medicinal help now? I wouldn't think so, I still fall asleep for naps all the time. It was just really bizarre.

ETA: Since all I did over the past few days was tag my own entries, I'm now waaaay behind on reading all of yours. If I comment on something a few days late I'm sorry, I'm trying to catch up on everyone!

I just bit into an apple and my lips and tongue were instantly set on fire. I may as well have been biting into a habanero! I spit the damn thing out and rinsed my mouth with water for a good while; the pain is dying down now but still not gone. What in the hell could have gotten on that apple?!

*mutter* need a Snow White icon now...

Can this year just be over already?

Computer fixed. The power outage messed up the voltage or overclocking on the motherboard? Something like that, I don't know. Dad had to come over and get it to boot up from a disk and then fixed whatever the problem was. Phew! I think I'll go ahead and get a UPS to avoid more of this, I didn't realize just having the computer plugged in even if it was turned off was enough to make bad things happen. =p

ETA: But grrrrr, two of my external hard drives (out of four) aren't turning on now! All four of them were plugged in to the same power strip, WTF?

Sometime today the power went out, and when I got home from class what do I find but a computer that won't boot up. It wasn't even turned on today! I definitely turned it off last night. Stupid fricking thing. I'm now on my laptop which I pulled out for the first time in oh probably three years at least.

Also, this morning when I left there were at least 8 police cars in the parking lot next to me...I didn't see them until I was driving away, but I wondered what was going on to require so many. I figured it's Sunnyvale and they probably have nothing better to do, maybe a domestic dispute or something. But lo, I get home tonight with a notice on my door that there's been a "tragic death" in our apartment complex that is under investigation! So now I'm wondering just what the hell happened...there were never any sirens or anything, which is why I didn't even know the police were here until I actually saw them. O_o

I just got back from seeing Michael Jackson's This Is It. It was so wonderful and so heartbreaking at the same time, knowing that this was the last of his gift to us, that he would never get to perform that series of concerts he worked so hard on. I did walk away from the theater in tears. I just love him SO. MUCH.

The man was clearly a genius, but so much so that he seemed to exist on a different plane from the rest of us mundane human beings. Not only was he unbelievably talented and the most incredibe performer ever, he was so good and so caring and so loving to everyone and everything; he just wanted this world to be a better place.

Obviously the lowest common denominator, as usual, feared what was different from them and what they couldn't understand and tried to drag him down into the dirt with them at every opportunity. It just makes me furious the way so many idiots attempted to sully such an amazingly good-natured and kind-hearted person. I'm not religious, but if there was something approximating the entity of an angel in this world, it would have been Michael Jackson. Humanity at large is a bunch of lowlife cretins, and the only positive thing about his passing on is that he's not around to be their punching bag any longer. Still, that moron of a doctor has a lot to answer for for so carelessly obliterating the life of the greatest entertainer the world has ever known.

So rest in peace Michael, sadly we hardly knew ye. I, for one, will always cherish the gift of your presence on this earth and feel so lucky that it took place during my lifetime. I'll forever hold dear both you and the music you so graciously bestowed upon this undeserving world. Thank you, Michael.

*watching the Michael Jackson memorial service*

Still can't quite believe he's really gone...and I was right there where this is being held just two days ago. I wish I could have gotten a ticket and stayed for it. ;_; So sad and touching...I'll always love you, Michael! ♥ ♥ ♥

I'm so incredibly sad to hear that Michael Jackson passed away today. Thus far I've heard it was a heart attack, though that has yet to be verified. My personal feeling is that he finally succumbed to the insane amount of stress and vilification he'd been (imo unfairly) bombarded with for years. I don't know how anyone could have stood up to the kind of world-wide scrutiny he'd been under nearly his entire life.

I am, always have been, and always will be, a die-hard Michael Jackson fan. My very first favorite song was Thriller, off of the same-titled album that came out the year after I was born. My parents tell me I listened to and adored that song ever since I was a baby. I got all of his albums over the years, watched all his videos, and listened to all his music. It's such a shame I'll never be able to see him perform live or be able look forward to more wonderful music from him. I think a big part of the reason Savage Garden became my favorite band was due to the heavy influence of Michael Jackson on Darren Hayes; I felt and heard a lot of similarities in his music.

However odd he might have been in his personal life, there's no denying he is probably the most amazing singer/songwriter/dancer/all-around entertainer to ever live, and far and away lived up to his well-deserved title of King of Pop. My personal belief is that he was a sensitive soul who had a harsh childhood, or rather lack of one, and hence spent his fortune and adult years trying to relive and provide other children with what he missed out on. Yet because he was a single non-parent "weird" adult, he was unfairly demonized for it. I'm certain he simply truly loved children (and thought of himself as one; I'm not saying he didn't probably have some psychological issues that could have been worked on) and was a good person who wanted to share what he had with children in ways that some adults may have deemed abnormal. But fuck, if I was a kid (hell, even as an adult!) I *totally* would have given anything to spend time at his Neverland Ranch with all the animals and rides and fun stuff! I never once believed any of the molestation allegations, and I still don't; I think he just saw himself as a child in a lot of ways, and that's why he wanted to be with them. And you know what, even if all those awful things people said about him turned out to be true (which I most vehemently believe they are NOT)? I don't give a fuck. Michael Jackson is and forever will be a musical genius and legend who has bestowed mankind with a lifetime of incredible entertainment that will always be a part of our history and heritage. No matter how hard some people tried to taint him, nothing can take that away from us.

Long live the King of Pop. No one can ever come close to holding a candle to you. You will be forever in our hearts and sorely missed, always.

Just got back from Melissa's memorial service. It was very beautiful and touching. She was a true mentor and friend and I already miss her dearly. =*(

( My dear friend )